This morning I saw a female cardinal. It’s easy to spot the males because they’re a brilliant red but today, the lady bird sat watching the finches and me not far from my kitchen window. I decided her presence was a power sign. She stood out, even without her man in his beautiful coat nearby. She was doing perfectly fine on her own.

I came across Wendy Piersall’s, TLC Launches New TV Show :: The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom blog post today. She brought to my attention a new TLC (The Learning Channel) TV show about stay at home mom’s. Debuting March 3, the show is “a new reality series following stay-at-home moms who are given the chance to see what life would be like if their full-time career wasn’t motherhood”.

Each episode will conclude with the mom either deciding to “pursue her new dual life” or return to her family, secure in the fact that motherhood is the only occupation for her.

Where to begin with this? A career driven woman and mother is running for the position of the United States of America and yet somewhere else in America is a culture insisting that women must choose career OR motherhood?

I cringed when I read this from TLC’s new ‘The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom’ series to debut March 3:

“Almost every woman experiences the pull between becoming a full-time mom or juggling both family and work. This show will give us the chance to learn what sacrifices and rewards there are in making this challenging and unique decision,” said TLC programming executive Brant Pinvidic. “Each episode ends up being a remarkable voyage as we see them accomplish goals they never thought possible and then make the decision about which path they should pursue.”

Which path? They have to go behind their spouse’s back to experience some sort of self worth vision quest for themselves?

Then he says,

“This show is very inspirational and gives these women many who thought they’d never have return to their careers a chance to see what they are capable of.”

Capable of?? Since when did taking care of children turn women into blobs of nothing? When did staying home become the crime of the century?

The first story on the show highlights “Adrian” who gets a chance to spend a week experiencing her “dream job” that she left behind to raise her 3 children. At the end of the week, she must decide whether or not she wants to remain a full time mom.

I worked while single, while pregnant, after my first child was born and up to the birth of my second child. Then, I stopped because the cost of daycare stripped my salary. I was essentially working for free, so I stayed home and my husband worked 3 jobs to keep us going. I grew as much of our food as possible and breastfed the babies, the second one past his 2 year birthday. I continued to volunteer and be involved with the schools and community as much as my time allowed.

The kids and I rarely saw their Dad. He and I drifted apart. We split up. I refused his support money. We shared joint custody. I went back to work by teaching myself a new career, working all day and doing freelance work at night. I felt terribly alone and unsupported by my friends. On the days the kids were with their Dad, I worked even longer hours. I didn’t date. For four years. I started a business. Founded a few web sites. Paid for daycare. Saved up money to buy my own house. Remarried. I work at home because it’s easier to raise the kids and be there for them when I’m here. I’m saving for their college, paying for their cell phones, car insurance, sports equipment and shampoo. I take them to the doctor. Attend every football, baseball, wrestling and track event and the Jazz band concerts. I run a global forums. I make dinner. I’m the maid, nurse, taxi, project manager, and gardener. Off the top of my head.

Did I mention I’m a stay at home mom, who works full time? Which part of me looks like a soccer ball? God forbid someone should have said, “Kim. You have to pick one thing to do because you’re a woman.”

Shattering Soccer Mom Myths

The producers of this new TV show might like to read the new book by Holly Buchanan and Michelle Miller, called The Soccer Mom Myth. One of the first points the book notes is that in the writer’s “Marketing to Women” seminars, over 60% of attendees are women. When Holly asks the audience how many are mom’s, she may get one or two responses. They write that of the “millions upon millions of Soccer Mom’s out there“, in their seminars, they found “only about seven.”

So, who is this TV show being marketed to?

80% of all purchasing decisions are made by women. This TV show is going to want commercials to sponsor their show. How they can target women when only a handful fall into the category of “Soccer Mom”?

Women are individuals. They want to be treated with respect and some acknowledgment that they have much to contribute. They aren’t cloned copies of each other. If one wants to work and never have children, bravo. She’s still a vital woman. If another one isn’t career oriented, fine. With any luck, she’ll be able to support herself and should be encouraged to do so without depending on someone else for her survival. If another woman who wants a family stays home to be with the kids, they need support, not attitude. Not a “What if I could do that thing I dreamed of doing” carrot dangled in their faces.

They ARE doing something. Being a parent is the most rewarding “work” I’ve ever done. However, I was quite capable of doing more.

The TV show’s tagline is “Do they have what it takes to have it ALL?”

I don’t understand this statement. Someone can be hiking in the mountains picking wild flowers on a damp, springtime morning and feel they “have it all” because they’re alive. They’re in a lovely place. They feel the rising sun warming their cheeks. Contentment comes from so many places, including inside ourselves.

The TV show glorifies women who look outside themselves for validation and worthiness. They take a week off away from their family to experience “having it all”.

They return with their discovery and then asked to make a choice. Career or child raising?

I’ll take the mountain.

I have “free spirit” roots that began in the middle 1970’s when I would just take off. It didn’t matter where I ended up, as long as I was having an adventure. My fellow flower children left-over friends and I never had enough money and we didn’t fuss over the details.

Nothing was planned. Most things I did were spontaneous. Today, my kids love my stories because I’m so different (and boring). They can’t imagine me with a crew cut during the punk rock days, or dancing at clubs wearing telephone cords, or hosting Grateful Dead concert parties because I lived near a popular place where they had played. My son, not long ago, asked me what “tie dyed shirts” were.

Sigh.

So why is it that when it comes to web site usability, I suddenly see the kinds of things only a fussy person would think of. Surely no programmer for travel site design would ever consider the following user needs and requirements because, frankly, there may be only two of us on the planet who are this nuts.

My dream travel site would have:

1. Lots of pet information, such as can you bring your pet, board it close by, bring a bunch of them and are there a vet or groomer nearby?

2. Say I’ve had my nails done for a luxury trip to a sunny resort, and break a nail on the flight out. Is there a nail salon on or near the resort that can save me from this tragic experience? (No, I would NEVER do this. But my daughter definitely would.)

3. If your bookings application has a check box for “hot tub”, please tell me how many people it holds. I don’t want to fly 3000 miles to a pretty condo, only to find the hot tub fits one person at a time. Related: Where is it? Is it private? Is it maintained? Will I be able to see the stars in the sky or is there, like, a hundred lights or tall buildings in the way?

4. When your site covers nearby events, be sure to add directions to them. I easily get lost.

5. I LOVE to imagine myself in your hotel, townhouse, condo or rental house on the beach, mountains or smack dab in the middle of a noisy city. Please show rotating pictures with speed control. Put some people in pictures to help me get an idea of how big the bed is, how many steps from the bed to the TV and how far I have to reach to pick up a phone for room service. You don’t expect me to move a muscle, do you?

6. For beach rentals, there are always those crazy details such as beach tags, beach umbrellas to rent and beach parking. Make sure your web page has all this extra information because I’m a worry wart and will have nightmares wondering if I can park my rental car at the beach.

7. About the rental car. Make sure your booking application has a number I can call before I select to reserve a car. I have questions about how many people it seats, how much extra I owe if my dog pukes in it, if your driver will come and get me and what time it has to be dropped off. I need everything perfect when I arrive. You advertised a stress free vacation, right?

8. What do I need to bring? Some web sites are very good at understanding that some people like to plan ahead and be prepared. Other sites are not. The ones that tell you what linens to bring, if you need to bring mustard and salad dressing for the fridge and towels for showers, is the site that gets more business. What are check in and check out times? How much cleaning is expected by us? Is there a washer and dryer? This is a MUST for traveling with children. Is there a place for Buster to go potty outside? For white noise addicts, is there a fan or something handy? Are there enough outlets for laptops, Portable Playstation, cell phone chargers, blow dryer, flattening iron, curing iron and the extra TV we brought so the boys don’t fight over what to watch?

9. Accessibility is another area programmers aren’t considering, and I’m not just talking about on page accessibility. Are there check boxes for those who need ramp access, lower cupboards and rails in the shower for wheelchair bound guests? Are there stairs? I once rented a cabin that had a 1/4 mile of steps to the front door, all up hill, from the driveway, which was also uphill. This, and the “Warning Bears” signs were so much fun!

10. When I hit “Submit”, will you send me an itemized list of all the teeny tiny details I want for my trip and promise to make my dream trip come true or have I spent an hour filling out a 7 page application, only to get to the end of it and the instructions say “Call us to book your trip”?

I’m not sure where or when I got so fussy. Some of it comes from being a responsible mom. Most of it comes from bad experiences and lessons learned over time. If the web site travel, vacation rental and hotel industries intend on selling their services online that people are used to doing through friends, newspapers and travel agencies, they may need to take the time to get into their visitors heads on a much deeper level.

It was so much easier to bum a ride from friends and crash on someone’s couch.

I caved. I knew I would, once I read Jennifer Laycock’s series, From Twits to Tweeple, Why I Embraced Twitter and You Should Too. Anything that sidetracks me from work is a threat in my book. However, Twitter isn’t so bad.

The final push for me was that I miss my friends. Travel for me this year is all up in the air. There’s a lot going on at home with my college bound daughter and highly involved sports and musician oriented son. Not to mention a heavy workload. With Twitter, you can control the conversation and how it gets to you. You don’t even have to participate. You can be surrounded by your friends and just listen (read) the conversations.

Within the first few minutes of joining Twitter, I reconnected with an old friend, John Rhodes. As I began to see who among my friends is already setup with Twitter and I watched for awhile, it occurred to me that Twitter is like walking into the local bar.

Kinda like the TV show “Cheers”, where the regulars were like family. I keep waiting for someone to yell out, “Norm!”

I balked at Facebook, and ended up liking it. I balked at Twitter and so far, it’s been nothing but fun. I’ve picked up some leads to articles and other things related to work that I may have missed if not for Twitter.

The Grumpy Stubborn Kim act isn’t very convincing, is it.

Twitter folks can find me here.

Bring pretzels.

and a baby’s arm holding an apple.

This is how I spent my Saturday.

My Happy Assimilation Into Cre8asite Forums - New moderator, Donna Fontenot.

Thrilled to Become a Moderator at Cre8asite Forums! - New moderator, Miriam Ellis.

Cre8tive Flow - Redesigned Blog by Joe Dolson and Elizabeth Ablereach

New Cre8asiteforums logo is up. It was designed for us by Risa Borsykowsky, who also redesigned the Cre8pc logo.

We retired Mr. Peabody, our blog mascot. Meet the new Blog logo.

We said goodbye to three moderators, Rand, Tim and Chris

Wanna Keep up?

It’s Bring Your Pet To Work Week at the forums. (Members view only.)

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We’re just getting started.