I got a message from Facebook today. Someone indicated I am “hot” in one of those “Compare” applications. I accepted this word graciously offered to me and clung to it like a cat pouncing a mouse.

Facebook has been interesting to explore. MySpace has a cluttered, chaotic user interface that confuses the hell out of me. Facebook is organized and loaded with more ways to connect with and keep track of friends. Not a day goes by where someone is stuck in a bus or elevator, having a terrible day, promoting a blog post, breaking up, or matching me in my taste for food, sex, life, movies, books, and what I’d do if I could start all over again in life.

If you’re sensitive, not being voted as “hot”, “most desirable”, “pretty”, “handsome”, “most want to date” or “best hair” can ruin your week. Facebook can boost your ego and kick it down. Since I’ve never been voted “hot” before, I’ve had some days where this really ticked me off. Am I too old? Am I not pretty enough? Am I fat?

And then there’s Twitter. I gave it a shot. I don’t think I’m cut out for it. You see, when I “talk” to somebody by name, and they don’t respond to me, I wonder what I did to deserve being ignored. Not everyone is on Twitter when you are. Chances are, I didn’t do anything to be snubbed, but communication online may not be what human beings were designed to do.

Not me, anyway.

I’m one of those energy and vibration persons. For me, I get more information by what’s not spoken. I do the soul-to-soul, look into a person’s eyes kind of contact. For me, the Internet has always been a constant communication lesson. It’s also an experiment in how or if I will adapt.

Maybe it’s younger people raised on the Internet who need less human touch to understand another person?

I’m old school, from the days of hippies and wild, vibrant colors. I hug. I touch. I ask tons of questions of someone who fascinates me. When I really like someone, it’s because I admire something about them and want to learn whatever they’re willing to teach me. This may be why I’ve kept Cre8asiteforums going for so long (it debuted in 1998 in an earlier form). I can’t physically sit with all the people I want to know but I appreciate whatever they’re willing to type and share.

In a forum, people develop a sense of community. They bond. In Facebook and Twitter, I don’t sense this same feeling. In Facebook, for example, there is a Top Friends application. If someone claims you are a “top friend” and you don’t even know them, what do you do? With Twitter, there are “followers” and those you “follow”. You don’t have to follow those who follow you, but if you don’t, doesn’t that feel rude?

And then there’s times when you had a Facebook or Twitter friend, and they suddenly dump you. How do people today define “Friend”?

For me, a friend is someone who talks to me and doesn’t make me guess what the hell is going on. In real life, friends can sit with you. You can look at them. See their face. Study their vibe. You can tell when something’s up. Not online. It just was never intended to work that way.

Sometimes I think I’m not cut out for the Internet. It’s far too easy to be misunderstood when the thing that separates you from another person is a keyboard. Even a user interface can put roadblocks in your way. Twitter doesn’t allow emoticons to help express the meaning behind words, for example.

I can tell that I surprise some people when they meet me for the first time. I can be professional. I can be corny. I’ve noticed that some people will talk to me in person but won’t respond to me online. Mike Grehan recently wrote,

I remember arriving and bumping into the wonderfully warm and huggy Kim Krause (yes, the very same Kim Krause spotted on stage singing in a New York nightclub last week!).

It’s easy to be “warm and huggy” when I’m in a situaiton where I know that Kim won’t freak out anyone. I still make the mistake of touching a knee and scaring the crap out of the person because they’re not used to being touched. It’s not like I just jumped into their lap or anything. It’s a knee and I was likely laughing my head off at the same time, not drooling or begging for a wild night in bed.

Which brings me full circle back to Facebook and not being “hot” enough. How would anyone know if I am or not?

With social networking web sites, we can put up anything we want to. We can present any persona we want to. I like to mix my professional identity with the rest of me because in my work, much of me leaks in anyway. I really do care about the web sites I work on. I really do care about my clients and helping them. I really do appreciate their trust and faith in me. I’m loyal to my return clients and give them discounts. I really do refer my partners to companies seeking good help.

Clients don’t want me to be “hot” and I understand that being hot won’t bring me in new business. User generated content and feedback like games, comments, testimonials, and remarks about you are validating, however. Some days you just want to know you’re more than words on a page.

I often wonder about the “social” web and what we’re trying to create with it. I may never be satisfied with the Internet user experience.

It has yet to be able to give me a real live hug.

I caved. I knew I would, once I read Jennifer Laycock’s series, From Twits to Tweeple, Why I Embraced Twitter and You Should Too. Anything that sidetracks me from work is a threat in my book. However, Twitter isn’t so bad.

The final push for me was that I miss my friends. Travel for me this year is all up in the air. There’s a lot going on at home with my college bound daughter and highly involved sports and musician oriented son. Not to mention a heavy workload. With Twitter, you can control the conversation and how it gets to you. You don’t even have to participate. You can be surrounded by your friends and just listen (read) the conversations.

Within the first few minutes of joining Twitter, I reconnected with an old friend, John Rhodes. As I began to see who among my friends is already setup with Twitter and I watched for awhile, it occurred to me that Twitter is like walking into the local bar.

Kinda like the TV show “Cheers”, where the regulars were like family. I keep waiting for someone to yell out, “Norm!”

I balked at Facebook, and ended up liking it. I balked at Twitter and so far, it’s been nothing but fun. I’ve picked up some leads to articles and other things related to work that I may have missed if not for Twitter.

The Grumpy Stubborn Kim act isn’t very convincing, is it.

Twitter folks can find me here.

Bring pretzels.

I was approached by a friend with an idea. It went along the lines of “What if we get a group together to promote this cause ….” and from that point on my imagination soared with what-ifs and can-we’s.

And I wondered about the can of worms we might be opening.

Those of you in Facebook know from experience that when someone who is your “friend” joins a cause, everyone gets a notice about it. After awhile, we begin to get a sense of what our friends are interested in, besides work. We can gauge how well matched we are, how different we might be from each other and see sides of friends we never knew about.

Also, in Facebook, we get alerts whenever someone signs up to be a fan of someone or something. We pick who is the “Most Beautiful”, “Who is Funniest”, and rate everything from smiles to who we’d like to marry. Some of it’s fun and games. Some of it is honest insight, such as when a friend backs a certain politician and it’s announced to everyone on their friends list.

When you do business with peers or are friends with CEO’s and company owners who have Facebook pages and profiles, is there a point where you think to yourself, “I didn’t need to know that” when they post something they’ve joined? If someone’s “status” is, “I’m naked in bed with my laptop”, is this TMI (Too Much Information)?

I remember how freeing it was when Threadwatch ran a long thread a few years back about SEO’s who work from home. It was a coming out party of men and a few women who admitted to working naked or in their PJ’s, odd hours and in varying environments, from home to Starbucks to heck, likely a few bars.

Is Social Networking Coming at a Price?

The social media networking phase of the Internet experience has allowed us to meet and talk to each other. It also lets us share bits and pieces of ourselves as if we were eating lunch at the same table at school and sitting with our group, or attending a company picnic and throwing horse shoes with fellow employees.

In other words, we’re starting to hang out together, as well as also doing business with each other. We’re moving beyond a professional networking, spell checked, politically correct version of ourselves and into a “This is the real me” version, where we’re more willing to share our interests and life events outside of work.

Instead of rows and rows of employment “cube farms” where you pop up over the wall to share potato chips with your neighbor and gossip about the manager, there’s now IM and Twitter. It’s easy to type that spontaneous thought begging to be leaked out and in seconds, it’s out there and going all over the place to who knows who?

Does this matter?

If a group of your industry peers banded together to support a cause you don’t believe in, would you not do business with them?

If a group of your industry peers supported a political view or candidate, set up a web site and promoted themselves as supporters, and you strongly disagree with that view or candidate, would you feel differently about them? Enough to not associate with them? Work with them? Refer work to them?

In some ways, this is like joining a forums where you feel you fit. You like how you’re treated there and the people have similar beliefs or attitudes as you do. I’m reminded of blog writing, when we had asked if it’s proper to write about our personal lives in our business or professional blogs.

Whenever we remove our mask and people see the real us, there’s a risk. How much of yourself are you willing to reveal? Is it important to doing business online?

What do you think? Does someone’s choices in their personal life alter your opinion of their business services?

Would you have the courage to stand up and defend a cause you believe in, and bring attention to it in your web site or blog if you could, even though it has nothing to do with your business, products or services?

Added: Discussion Could What You Stand Up For Detract From Your Reputation?

I once felt that Facebook was something I’d never get into because I couldn’t understand how I’d use it or what the big deal was about using it. But last summer, I joined it and surprise, surprise, I liked it. Now, I’m resisting Twitter.

The best writeup on Twitter I’ve read so far is the latest by Jennifer Laycock, with her series on Twitter beginning with Part One: From Twits to Tweeple, Why I Embraced Twitter and You Should Too. I admit that the moment someone says I “should” do something, my first reaction is to rebel against it. Several friends have told me I “should” get Twitter. It’s had the same affect as my telling my kids they “should” clean their rooms. There’s never a good reason why.

Jen does the best job describing what Twitter is like. Her next part in her series will discuss how it can be useful. This will interest me because this is where I really hold the line. Will she convince me to try it?

Idol Worship

For me, I have the most trouble understanding why anyone would want to know what I’m doing. The people who decide to include usability into their web site development cycle aren’t typically marketers and marketers are the perfect target market for Twitter.

I can see SEO’s loving it. I can see those who work from home liking the activity. It can fit a need. However, I’ve been working from home for years and rejoice in trips to the store because are people talking, not typing.

Twitter reminds me of the “status” in Facebook, where you can tell everyone where you are, how you feel, where you’re going that day, if you’re sick, if you broke up with someone or fell in love, if you’re drunk, if you just ate an apple, whether you’re hating the snow, and whether or not you just bet your life savings on the Giants winning the Superbowl. You can update your “status” as often as you like. Many Tweeters use their’s to point to what they’re twittering about, leaving those of who are untweeted in the dark.

I’ve never had the feeling that anyone gives a cow what my status is, so why would I add Twitter to keep everyone informed? I don’t want to be followed. Am I too private for Twitter? Do you have to have marketing blood to “get it”?

Communication

The argument for Twitter is it helps with networking and communication.

I own a global forums in the industry I work in. An entire community of people is there every day and night from around the world. I’m never lonely and never without someone to talk to at any time of day or night because somebody is always awake. I can start a conversation there if I want to or contribute to an existing one.

There’s always a conversation there and it’s not limited to friends I’ve given permission to talk to me.

It’s open, which means I’m exposed to different cultures, viewpoints, language, expression, experience levels, humor, and education. It means I’ve opened myself up and made myself available to a helluva lot of people already. I’m needed there. My moderators would be unhappy if I spent more time Twittering and less time participating in the forums. In fact, a few moderators blame Twitter and Facebook for the absence of moderators, who have been less active because their time is spread thinner.

Add this blog to my daily conversation route and Bloglines for my information fix. Granted, I chose where my sources come from, which is different from Twitter, but I have a wide net in place. In fact, too much inbound data comes in and I’ve culled my sources several times.

Add my comments at Sphinn and other blogs. Add to this my articles which are republished around the ‘Net. If someone wants to know what I’m up to, I’m not that hard to find.

Do they want to know when I’ve just made dinner, leaving the house to walk my dog or what I’m reading this very second? Do they want me promoting my blog posts? I have a feed. Come when you wish to. Need me in a hurry? Facebook has a nice message feature, plus I’m online a lot for email and if I’m offline, I want and need that break.

I’m not that important or vital to the success of anyone’s day other than my family, cats and the dog. In the reverse, my peers and friends who Twitter are also easy for me to find. I see them everywhere. When I want to find them, I will and I do. I don’t need Twitter for this.

Twitter for Work

As far as I know, none of my usability work depends on whether or not I just posted to my blog. My clients use traditional methods to stay in touch with me such as the phone or email, with some of them also participating at Cre8asiteforums or subscribing to my blog because we’ve developed a rapport and friendship through our projects.

I’m sure none of them wants to know if I’m outside pulling weeds in my gardens.

And this brings me to my main reason for not getting Tweetafied. I need to unplug. I love to read books. I have very active kids involved in dance, sports, school (homework), jobs and music who want or need me at their things. I love their friends. I love making dinner and having the kitchen crammed with family and friends. There’s no laptop or cell phone Bluetooth piece stuck into my ear when I’m being mom. Kids hate that. I won’t do it.

I’m not as jazzed up about Facebook lately for the same reasons why I won’t tweet. I don’t play most of the games in Facebook because it takes me away from work or family. I don’t have a wife to cook for me, a housekeeper, gardener, or salesperson. I run a business, family and forums. In off-time like weekends, I’m studying, reading more case studies, or teaching myself something like new software or hunting for new web sites of interest.

I still have to check on the forums too. Those doors never close and I think a lot of people never consider that.

Twitter may be one of those things that, like all the social networking sites and software I’m invited to join, are truly threats to my valuable time. It takes tremendous discipline to work from home when you’re the parent in charge of kids and household, especially when your spouse is gone from morning to night working outside the home.

I gave in to Facebook. Now I’m wondering if the TwitterBorg will assimilate me too. The “push” technology it offers is perfect for a knowledge junkie like me, but I’m already feeling fried and burned out. It’s not an argument that works for me.

I can’t help but think that if you’re a real friend, you’ll visit me here or at Cre8asiteforums because you want to, not because I just tweeted a reminder that I’m alive and posting.

I was young the day John F. Kennedy was killed but I knew the world had changed. I remember my college house mates and I huddled in shock the day John Lennon was shot and killed. Maybe it was the influence of those two tragic events because on the very day I first saw the Internet I thought to myself, “This can help create peace (cre8pc).”

Next year Cre8asiteforums will be 10 years old for me. For most everyone else, it’s younger. But for me, it’s 10 because I launched its first incarnation, the Cre8pc Website Promotion club, in Yahoo! in 1998. Its present forums-like format came about in 2002.

As the forums and I grow older together, something has been nagging me. I am not doing what I set out to do in 1995 when I decided to become a webmaster. I’m not consciously participating in creating a good world. I’m not doing enough of whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing and of course, every day I wonder what the heck that something is.

I decided one day that I’m not alone. There are others like myself who are using the Internet to do good things for other people, places, countries, kids, organizations, clubs, animals, the planet, parents, business support, etc. Who are they? Where are they? What can I do to help? What can they can teach me? How do we connect? Are their efforts worth it?

In January, Cre8asiteforums will have news on our new non-profit forum. We will showcase people and companies devoted to marketing non-profit organizations and web sites. We want to explore who they are, what they do, how they do it, who they do it for and why they care.

But why wait until January?

I Have Great Friends

First, is Elizabeth Able who, despite personal hardships, has a blast rallying for causes and educating along the way. She’s launched a meme, called Tips for Nonprofits Meme.

I’m starting a round of blog tag in support of nonprofits that have an online presence. The idea is to write up one tip for how nonprofits can benefit from an online presence, and challenge others to do the same. Don’t worry about having the same tip as someone else, as long as your take on the tip adds something to the original idea.

This meme comes with four guidelines:

1. Offer one tip
2. Tag three people. Bonus points for including blogs that support or represent nonprofits.
3. Please link back to this page. If you link, I will contact you about including your tip in a compilation of tips generated by this meme.
4. Remember to pass on the guidelines

Unsure how to respond to Liz when she tagged me for this meme, the answer came when I got word from my friend BJ Cook of the soon to launch company, Eleho.org. He’s helping to get the word out about Burma and the genocide happening there. He wrote to me about TheRoadFilm.com

“5 local San Diego young professionals risked their lives to share never seen before footage with us and are now on a mission to bring it to the world.”

The web site is about a journey and following through when you’re called on by that Inner Bonk on the Head. It’s a story of doing, not sitting back and waiting for someone else to take action.

I hope Liz doesn’t mind that my “tip” for nonprofits is simply to find ways to get the word out on your project. All I did was to get an email from a friend about his latest adventure. He was smart to tap me because he knows I love to support my friends. Marketing can start with gentle conversations.

I’m tagging:

I like the conversations from people like Jennifer Laycock and The Lactivist, which supports an Ohio breast milk bank.

Heather Swain, owner of Rememberwell.net, “The spot for alternative death and dying information”.

Seo By The Sea’s, Bill Slawksi, because his post on Green Communities and Social Networks was viewed by a large number of people and is an excellent resource for anyone researching nonprofits and conscious living.

Next year, in addition to the steady stream of usability, user experience design, marketing, search engine, search engine marketing and social media news, there will be one more angle coming from here and Cre8asiteforums.

Inspiration.